Nikki Glaser: 10 Cut Golden Globes Jokes

Sravana

You need 4 min read

·

Post on Jan 13, 2025

40 visitor like this post

Share

Nikki Glaser: 10 Cut Golden Globes Jokes That Would Have Rocked the Show

Nikki Glaser, the queen of brutally honest comedy, is known for her sharp wit and fearless approach to humor. While she wasn't hosting the Golden Globes, we can only imagine the riotous laughter (and maybe some shocked gasps) her jokes would have elicited had they made the cut. Based on her past performances and signature style, here are ten hypothetical, yet hilariously on-point, Golden Globes jokes that would have been too good for television:

10 Hypothetical Nikki Glaser Golden Globes Jokes That Deserved Airtime

These jokes blend celebrity gossip, Hollywood hypocrisy, and a healthy dose of Glaser's signature self-deprecating humor. Get ready to laugh – and maybe cringe a little, because that's the Nikki Glaser experience!

1. The "Me Too" Movement & Hollywood's "Selective Memory":

"So, the Golden Globes are all about celebrating achievement, right? Except for, you know, the achievements of remembering who you aggressively harassed last Tuesday." This joke cleverly tackles the ongoing conversation surrounding sexual misconduct in Hollywood, a topic Glaser has often addressed with biting wit. The contrast between celebrating achievement and ignoring past transgressions provides a sharp comedic sting.

2. The Absurdity of Expensive Dresses:

"Looking at these dresses, I'm starting to think the only reason some actors are successful is because they can afford to wear something that costs more than my childhood." This relatable, self-deprecating jab at the extravagant cost of designer gowns worn at award shows is classic Glaser. It connects with audiences on a human level, highlighting the absurdity of the fashion spectacle.

3. The "Unexpected" Winners:

"Wow, an underdog actually won! Shocking. I thought the award was already engraved with [insert name of expected winner]’s name…using a diamond-encrusted pen, naturally." This joke uses sarcasm to poke fun at the often predictable nature of award shows, particularly highlighting the surprise when a less-favored nominee takes home the prize.

4. The Length of Acceptance Speeches:

"I'm starting to think acceptance speeches should come with a built-in timer. Like, if you go over two minutes, the acceptance statue magically turns into a participation trophy." This joke plays on the common complaint of overly long acceptance speeches, adding a humorous twist by imagining a comedic consequence for rambling awardees.

5. The "Fake" Tears:

"Oh my god, they're crying! Those are definitely not just Botox-induced spasms. They're genuine tears... of joy... probably because they can finally afford that second yacht." This joke utilizes observational humor, satirizing the often exaggerated emotional displays seen at award ceremonies. The use of relatable, cynical observations brings the humour to life.

6. The "Humble" Brag:

"I'm so humbled to be nominated amongst these incredibly talented people...who I will undoubtedly be surpassing in the years to come. Just kidding... unless...?" Glaser's signature self-awareness and sharp wit are on full display in this joke, acknowledging the achievements of other nominees while cleverly implying her own superiority.

7. The After-Party Scene:

"The after-party is where the real drama unfolds. It's where you can finally see which celebrities' veneers are actually cracked under the pressure. Plus, the free snacks are amazing. Almost as amazing as my comedic timing." This joke cleverly uses a common understanding of the after-party to introduce a humorous contrast between the public and private faces of celebrities, a topic familiar to fans of Glaser's style.

8. The Networking Opportunities:

"Networking is crucial at these events. I spent the whole cocktail hour pretending to understand a conversation about NFTs. It's worth it if I can get invited to the next yacht party." This plays on the realities of networking, and is delivered in a way that is both amusing and relatable to anyone who has attended a high-profile industry event.

9. The "Influencer" Presence:

"I'm starting to think there should be a separate award category for best Instagram Story of the night... because, honestly, that’s where the real highlights are going to be." This joke cleverly acknowledges the increasing importance of social media in modern celebrity culture, adding a sarcastic jab at the often over-the-top content created.

10. Self-Deprecating Closer:

"Well, folks, that's my night. Thanks for having me. I'll be here all week. Try the veal." This classic stand-up closer delivers a self-deprecating punchline with a touch of dark humor, leaving the audience both entertained and impressed by Glaser's unique comedic style.

Why Nikki Glaser's Humor Would Have Elevated the Golden Globes

Nikki Glaser's brand of comedy is refreshingly honest, irreverent, and self-aware. Her ability to find humor in the absurdity of celebrity culture and the often-hypocritical nature of Hollywood would have provided a much-needed dose of authenticity to the Golden Globes. Her jokes aren't just funny; they're insightful, challenging, and ultimately, human. They would have resonated with viewers who are tired of predictable, safe humor, and instead crave the kind of sharp wit that only someone like Nikki Glaser can deliver. The Golden Globes missed out on a truly unforgettable comedic performance. We can only hope she gets another chance to grace the stage, maybe with a slightly less censored set.